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Making Your Life Easier TM There is an easier way. Let’s work together to create it! |
Insights on Living |
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Newsletter Date October 2004 |
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In This Issue: What would you like to read about
in Insights on Living Inspiration? Send me and e-mail. I would love to develop the topic
for you! E-mail Insights@bamcoaching.com Resource link: PRACTICAL
ANSWERS to real-life issues http://www.wau.org The Word Among
Us Online offers daily meditations What do you complain about? Coaching exercise: Take a piece of paper and fold it
in half. On one side write what is positive about the situation. On the other
side write what is negative. On the back write what you can do to change the
negative into a positive. Focus on the
positives to lift yourself up and see the goodness in your life. To receive this free newsletter E-mail: Insights@bamcoaching.com What parenting issues are you
facing? Send me and e-mail if you would like me to discuss them in future
issues of Insights on Living Parenting.
E-mail Insights@bamcoaching.com Resource link: This site is for
parents, teachers and counselors. Parent Soup contains a wealth of health
information on a variety of topics such as bullying, teasing, stress, and
safety. www.family.org Official site of
Focus on the Family offers practical helps for your marriage and parenting
role. Family Fun: Play card or board games. My sons and I have been playing the card
game called UNO. I was the reigning UNO champion and was recently dethroned
by my 10 year old son. I haven’t been able to win the title back, yet…… It is good for children to see their
parents as playful human beings and it is healthy for parents to play and
recconnect with the child within. Family friendly T.V. Clubhouse CBS I enjoyed watching this program because
it centers around family and doing what is right despite popular opinion. Our
children need to see more of this modeled for them in their life. Family friendly radio 99.1 WAWZ FM (in the NY Metro area) On the web: http://www.star991fm.com What relationship issues are you
facing? Send me and e-mail if you would like me to discuss them in future
issues of Insights on Living Relationship.
E-mail Insights@bamcoaching.com Resource link: motivation and
personal development Please forward Insights on Living to family and
friends. Spread the word! The BAM!
coaching experience What is going on in your life that you
would like to make easier? There is an easier way. Let’s work together to create it. Contact Us:
Making Your Life Easier TM 201.261.2990 Website: Email: info@bamcoaching.com Copyright
© 2004 BAM! Coaching. Permission to distribute this material via email, or
individual copies, is automatically granted on the condition it will be used
for non-commercial purposes and will not be sold. To reproduce "Insights
on Living" in any other format, including Internet websites,
written permission is needed from |
Inspiration
– Complaining
Why do we
complain? We complain if it is too hot in the summer or to cold in the
winter. We complain about long lines in the supermarket, traffic, delays and
security checks at the airport. Are we ever happy and thankful for what we
have? I try to
remember how cold the winter was when I am hot and thank God for the heat. I
do the same in the winter. I have begun doing this recently because my ears
have become very sensitive to my and other’s complaints. History
shows us that we come from a long line of complainers. The Israelites
complained to God after they were freed from their Egyptian captivity. As
they were walking in the desert they complained that they would starve to
death because they were without food. Moses brought this complaint to God and
God supplied them with Manna. They complained that the Manna was not as good
as the food they received while in captivity. So, God sent quail. They
complained that they didn’t have water and God gave them water. And the
people continued to complain until God said “how long will these people
complain about me?” (1) And God left the Israelites to
wander around the desert for 40 years because of their continual complaining. So, I
take my recent sensitivity to complaining seriously. Is God trying to tell me
something? I image the conversation goes something like this: God: why
are you complaining? I have given you everything you have ever wanted. Isn’t it enough? Barbara:
Are you sure I have been given EVERYTHING? There’s gotta be more! God: I am
all you need. Is God
all we need? Maybe we find ourselves confused and wandering without direction
because we have lost sight of this fact. God has left us to wander back to
Him in a way that shows us that He is all we need. Let’s
find out. Every time you find yourself complaining speak to God instead. Give
your complaint to Him and ask Him to show you what He means by Him being all
we need. 1)
Numbers
14: 27 I have
found that my sons are the greatest negotiators in the world! Our youngest
son has mastered this skill so well that he managed to get a dollar from the
little league photographer! I asked how he did it and he said “she asked me
to smile and I didn’t then she said she would give me a dollar if I smiled
and I did!” (and you should see the smile – ear to ear) Where did
he learn this skill? Well, I know he has not taken a negotiating course in
elementary school so it must be that he is learning this skill through his
interaction with me and my husband. How does
this happen? It happens very subtly over time. As parents we are so easily
distracted by everything going on in our day to day lives that we don’t
realize some of the things we are teaching our children through our
interaction with them. Children are like sponges. They pick up everything we
do and say and then model it in their life to see what works and what doesn’t
work. They keep what works and try something else when it doesn’t work. Now that
I have been enlightened to their negotiating ways, I try to pay close
attention to how my son talks with me when he is trying to get his outcome to
a situation. I encourage him when he is using his negotiating talents in a
positive way and discourage him when he is being manipulative. Here is
an example: He wants us to stop at 7-Eleven to get a slurpy after church. I
don’t respond yes or no and he is assuming my answer is going to be no
(because in his world “I always say no” sound familiar?). So, he begins to
complain about things that he knows are my hot buttons. I am working on
diffusing these hot buttons within me and one way I do this is to remember to
focus on his actions. So, I mention to him that his disrespectful attitude is
preventing him from getting the slurpy. In the past his complaining would
make me feel guilty and therefore result in him getting what he wants. Now
that I have changed my reaction to his complaining he will have to find
another way to negotiate his outcome. Later that day I asked him to turn off
the lights in the kitchen. He did this without complaining or hesitation and
I looked into his eyes, smiled and thanked him. I mentioned to him that “this
is how I want us to interact with each other and this cooperative behavior
will result in you receiving a slurpy without even asking for it! Are you
interested in changing your child’s behavior? First identify what this
behavior is and look at the situations surrounding it. Are you doing or
saying anything that might encourage this behavior? Talk with the child about
the behavior and explain that you would like to help him/her behave in a
different way. Explain how this
behavior affects you. Use age appropriate language and check in with the
child to ensure they understand what you are communicating to them. Share
what you have noticed about yourself that has contributed to the development
of this behavior. Explain that the two of you can work together to bring
about a positive change in your relationship. Remind the child that you love
them very much. This exploring, communicating and changing experience is
teaching the child that two people are responsible for creating a loving and collaborative
relationship. And this learning will help them in the relationships they form
for the rest of their lives. I
attended a conference where Lance Secretan, author of Inspire, What Great Leaders Do, was a speaker. He related this
story to the audience. He knew
of a manager who had a large staff. This manager communicated with his staff
through e-mail. One day he decided that he was going to take time to meet
with his staff in person because they have done an outstanding job for him
over the years. He met
with one man and thanked him for the fantastic job he had done on a recent
project. The manager shared how much he appreciated the man’s work and that
he is an integral part of the team. The manager also said that he is glad
that he is working on his team. Several
days later that man delivered an Xbox to the manager. The manager asked why
he was giving him such an expensive gift. The staff
person shared that prior to their meeting the other day,
he had no reason to live. His wife had left him and he didn’t feel like he
mattered to anyone in the world. So he purchased a gun and each night after
work he worked up the courage to put the gun to his head and pull the
trigger. That night of the meeting he went home and put the gun to his head
and broke down crying. The words the manager had shared touched his heart and
helped him to realize that he does matter and his life is worth living. So he
sold the gun and bought the Xbox for the manager because the manager had
shared that he wanted one. Do you
hear fellow colleagues complaining about their job or life? Maybe you
are the person who has the words that will make a difference for that person. Listen to
your colleagues when you are at work. You may be there to do a job and
collect a salary but your day to day experience at work is so much more. You
have the opportunity to make a difference in small ways that can have a profound
impact. Make a difference:
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